Intro
Why, What, Where, When and How
Call me Ishmael. (Well, it worked for Herman Melville.) Call me
a band parent. Band parents have more important things to think about than
chasing a great white whale. Now that you are or are about to be a band parent
there is much you will want to know so straight to the matter! Firstly you must
understand the cosmic importance of the band experience to your child and by
extension the importance of band parenting.
Why your child must be in band
The reasons why your child(ren) must be in band are so numerous
that they would fill a book (or a Website). If this Website does well expect to
see that other website really soon!. In the mean time a few of the reasons are:
1) Band is real neat. A bold statement, perhaps, but band can
live up to it.
2) So you can be a band parent. Yes.
3) Your child will learn to pay attention and follow directions.
Failure to pay attention on the marching field can mean being trampled by a
phalanx of quick-marching sousaphones. Band members must listen to directions
and keep their minds focused just to survive.
4) Your child will learn music not played on MTV. Too many young
people are unaware of great art, good art or any art not in the 'Top 40'. Band
will widen the scope of your child's appreciation.
5) Your child will not play pool (billiards). Playing pool is
the first step on the sorry road that leads to bowling, mah jong, pin ball or
even card games! Do you want your child to succumb to the questionable pleasures
of cribbage? Well, of course not. "Now I know all you folks are the right kind
of parents. Ask yourselves, "How can any pool table ever hope to compete with a
gold trombone?"". Band is the answer.
6) It will keep your child off the streets (parades excepted)
and away from almost everywhere else as well. Band members are too busy to get
into trouble. After marching practice and other band commitments plus enough
studying to stay eligible there's barely time left for eating and sleeping.
Poem Link- "Marching Practice"
Qualifications for Band Parents
Its so simple. You need to be the parent (or grandparent, or
god-parent, or foster parent, or step-parent, or adoptive parent, or great
grandparent, or even "just like a parent") of a band member. You also qualify if
you are a legal guardian, court appointed surrogate, trustee in chancery, Big
Brother/Big Sister or close aunt or uncle of a band member (or Regent of a band
member of royal blood who is heir presumptive or better). Band Parents'
Organizations properly use the widest possible definition of "parent". They say,
It takes a whole village to raise a child.. All the adults in that
village should be band parents!
There are people who take on many of the responsibilities of
band parents without being band member parents in any way at all. The best book
on these phenomena is Johann Quincey Finsterblat's 'Band Director's Spouse!-
It's More than a Marriage, Its Helping to Run the Band!', available from
Band Parents Publishing Company.
New band parents often wonder if they have the training and
skills to be proper band parents. Band parents require wills of iron, the wisdom
of Solomon, the endurance of a marathon runner, nerves of steel, the diplomacy
of an ambassador, the strength of Hercules, the patience of Job, the self denial
of a saint, the determination of the Little Engine That Could, plus the
skills of a master mechanic, a registered nurse, a darn good carpenter, a school
janitor, a Savile Row tailor, a licensed psychologist, a political campaign fund
raiser and a boot camp master sergeant.
That may seem a tall order but DESPAIR NOT FOR THERE IS HOPE!
Not every band parent needs to possess all of these virtues in
full. When the BPO needs wisdom two band parents, each of whom has half the
wisdom of Solomon, can form a committee. Three out-of-shape couch potato band
parents can move a tympani as well as one in-shape jogger band parent. Science
has proved (in studies conducted by the Band Parents' Research Institute of
Elkhart, Indiana) that good band parents are made, not born. Your most important
qualification for band parenting is your willingness to show up. They'll teach
you everything else.
Why YOU Really Really Really Should be a Band Parent
By now it will already be clear that students should be in band
and that every parent can be a band parent. (If this isn't clear please go back
and re-read the beginning of this page five or six times.) It is likewise true
that you really should be a band parent. It is your destiny. You can no more
avoid it than death, taxes and fast food commercials.
Some people still resist. A few of these are the same people who
have made reruns of "My Mother the Car" so popular. They are beyond helping. The
rest will advance spurious arguments in defense of their position. Seemingly
compelling at first glance these arguments are easily refuted by a thorough
understanding of band. Some common arguments against becoming a band parent are
refuted here.
I take care of my child. I don't have to worry about the rest
of the band.
-
This shows a basic lack of understanding of how a band works.
Bands are only as good as their weakest section. Your band member could have
the finest instrument, the most expensive lessons, go to the best summer band
camps and still never have any chance of winning at competition if the rest of
the band is neglected. A few good players do not a good band make. In a good
band every player must be good. To take care of your band member you have to
help take care of the whole band.
Its not fair that I should have to help band members whose
parents watch "My Mother the Car".
The school district should take care of everything the band
needs.
I don't have enough money for band parenting.
I am very busy and do not have time for band parenting.
How to Become a Band Parent
Just follow this simple four step program.
-
- Acquire a child.
-
- Check "Yes" on school form asking if your child wants to be
in band.
-
- Congratulations! You are now a band parent.
-
- Repeat Steps 1-3 as often as you like.
It is easy. Still, becoming a band parent is a gradual process.
Many people do not entirely realize what is happening. Enlightenment comes as
they sit in a band hall furiously rearranging busy business schedules to avoid
conflicts with marching contests the existence of which they were happily
unaware of an hour before. The road to band parenting begins when your child is
in fifth or sixth grade. A letter comes about joining beginner band. At first it
is no big deal. You spend some money for an instrument (OK, over $500.00 but "it
will last them through high school, maybe college!". And ketchup is a vegetable.
Never mind, you can sell it and recoup some of its cost when you upgrade or if
your child ever does the unthinkable and quits band.) and a little more money
for lessons. You go to one band parent meeting a year (if that). Seventh and
eight grades come and go at the same easy pace, the occasional parade and
concert, no major effort.
It is as eighth grade is winding down that the stormy petrel of
band parenting appears: a form letter from the high school band director(s).
This poorly reproduced missive will change your life more than any other single
piece of paper you will ever see. After cheery greetings and congratulations on
finishing Junior High School is the notice of a two to three week fishes'
mandatory marching band camp immediately after school lets out.
(Etymological note: 'Fish' is the au courant term for freshmen.
Its many advantages include being one syllable shorter, gender non-specific and
suggestive to sophomores of clever artistic caricatures. (Etymological note on
etymological note: "Au courant" is from the French and means "up-to-date". Why
not just write "up-to-date" instead of "au courant"? That wouldn't be au
courant.) )
Just a month after band camp before school even starts will be
three weeks (sometimes more) of more than mandatory full marching band practice.
(It has been reported that a band director once actually excused a bassoonist
from summer marching practice. The bassoonist was one of an unfortunate group of
tourists taken hostage in Quebec by heavily armed Francophone terrorists
bitterly opposed to the increasing use of margarine instead of butter in
Omelet aux fin herbes. Experienced band parents doubt this story. No band
director would consider that a sufficient excuse.)
While you are juggling your summer plans around marching
practice the letter will arrive from your Band Parents Organization (BPO). This
will invite, or rather, command your presence at the next BPO Meeting. You are
about to become a really and truly, honest to goodness, four-star,
nickel-plated, genuine with signature, dyed-in-the-wool, fully-fledged BAND
PARENT!
Copyright 1996 by George Yenetchi
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